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Confession
thejanechord
Diaryland
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2002-10-04
3:08 p.m.
I have spent the last three days stressing over the fact that I can’t for the life of me find a book that I’m supposed to write a paper on for my class for next Monday. I went to three of the school’s libraries and called half the used book stores in town. Nowhere in town is there a copy of this stupid book on which we have to write this stupid paper.
The paper itself isn’t a big deal. It’s only supposed to be five hundred words long, and we all know that I’ve written enough in my lifetime not to feel daunted by five hundred words. The fact that I can’t find the book, though, is extremely upsetting.
If I really, REALLY wanted to, I suppose I could sit around in the library and read it there, as there IS a copy that’s just not allowed to circulate. Who wants to write a paper in a library, though? I wouldn’t even have access to a computer there, so I’d have to write it all by hand. That’s something I haven’t done since the dark ages. This is not to mention the fact that I am simply too fucking tired at the end of a long day or the end of a long week to even consider going out of my way to sit around at the library where I would be likely to fall asleep, anyway.
After a few days of searching for the book, I finally gave in and e-mailed my professor, telling him that I couldn’t find a copy of the book anywhere. I really didn’t want to have to do that because I didn’t want him to think I was a slacker who waited till the last minute to find the damn book because that’s really not true. Six days should’ve been PLENTY of time to read the book and write the paper. By the time I talked myself into e-mailing him about it, though, it was Thursday.
More than twenty-four hours later, I haven’t heard from him. Either he’s avoiding the request for a suggestion from him about what I should do, or he’s just really lazy in responding to e-mail. What I find hard to believe about that is the fact that I’ve e-mailed him previously and received a response within an hour.
He hates me.
So, struggling for ANYTHING that would give me the option of writing the book while at work today, I went online to see if I could possibly get the book online. Of course, seeing as how it’s out of print and nobody in the whole fucking world reads this book, it’s nowhere to be found. All I could come up with was a website that listed three brief excerpts from the book, so I wrote the paper on one of the excerpts.
Literally -- and I swear to god, I wouldn’t lie to you -- I was typing the last sentence of my paper when I finally thought to look at the chapters we were supposed to read, and I found that the chapter I wrote the paper on wasn’t one of the chapters we were supposed to read.
God hates me.
The is the first paper I’ve had to write since I graduated from college three and a half years ago. I really wanted to do well on it, but the stupid fucking college system has prompted me -- no, FORCED me -- to fucking cheat myself out of a serious educational method of reading the book and writing the paper, even though I sincerely want to learn and do well in this class.
Now I remember why school sucks.
